The Real World: Besaid
by Kashiwa
Summary: This is a parody of FFX and MTV hit "The Real World," so you probably won't get it if you have not played the first or seen the latter. Angstings, token black playas, token gay men, and social weaknesses that are meant to be subconscious ensue!
1. Default Chapter

The Real World: Besaid By Kashiwa  
  
Note: This is a script-style story, fashioned like the popular melodrama- fest, MTV's the Real World and Square's poorly dubbed Final Fantasy X.  
  
  
  
~The screen opens as 6 well-washed teens, a blue tiger and an old man flash on the screen as their names Tidus, Yuna, Wakka, Lulu, Rikku, Kimahri and Auron appear with them.~  
  
Narrator: Welcome to The Real World: Besaid, where 8 angsty teens share a house and attempt to avoid bickering while fighting their tendency to crush over each other, all in hopes of showing what happens when people stop being nice and cast fire spells, I mean, start getting real.  
  
~This is in the middle of the season. Currently, Tidus, the jock with a valley-girl accent, is trying not to cheat on his girlfriend in Zanarkand as he angsts over his crush on Yuna, the wussy, introverted, asthma-ridden brunette with a valley-girl accent. Yuna is trying to accept the alternative lifestyle choice of Wakka, the token gay guy, who has a secret gay lover in a popular Blitzball team~  
  
Tidus (to the camera): I, like, just DON'T know what to say to Yuna! I mean, she was totally just like my friend at first, but now I like, totally don't know what to say to her! Plus, I don't know what my girlfriend back in Zanarkand will say, but then again, I don't even know if I will ever get back to my Zanarkand!  
  
Yuna: Oh my GAWD Tidus! You are so stupid and stuff! ~throws a pillow at him~  
  
Tidus: Whatever, cheerleader, I mean, summoner!  
  
Yuna: ~mood drastically changes because she forgot her bipolarity medication~ Oh my god Tidus! Like, there is so much more to Summoners than just summoning Aeons and smiling and laughing hysterically at stupid things and marrying icky doo-doo heads! ~Cries dramatically as she dashes out of the room and enters Wakka's room to cry on his safely gay shoulders~  
  
Wakka: Whatsa matter, Yuna?  
  
Yuna: Oh Wakka! Tidus is so mean! He like, totally doesn't understand me, and that really bothers me because I have a secret subconscious problem stemmed from my poor fatherly relationship that makes it hard to control my emotions around other guys!  
  
Wakka: Oh, I'm sorry. Well, let me tell you this age-old story told by the gay elders at my support group.  
  
~We then see the image of Yuna and Wakka distorted as the "Real World" logo pops up. Time for a commercial!  
  
Gideon Yago: Next, on the 10 spot.~shows flamboyantly gay camp counseler yelling at a teenage guy for making fun of an Al Bhed~ Is it really okay for teens to discriminate?  
  
Teenage guy: But wait! All I did was steal his money! It had nothing to do with his being Al Bhed!  
  
Al Bhed: Like, whatever! All I know is that it makes me feel really uncomfortable for people to mention what I am, but I hate it even more when people don't worship my ethnicity, age, gender, sexual preference, and opinions!  
  
Teenage guy: Oh, sorry. Here, take your money back. See ya! ~Slaps the Al Bhed on the back~  
  
Al Bhed: OH my god! That makes me feel so uncomfortable!  
  
Gideon Yago: As you have just seen, hate crime is a horrible thing. Surveys show that most teens think that hate crimes should have stricter punishments. All of this, on the Ten Spot.  
  
~We now return to the show as Auron, the sexually frustrated token virgin, and Seymour, the white guy who wishes he was a black playa, stand in the living room. Auron is trying to vacuum, but Seymour is using the only available outlet to power his Insta-Margarita-Maker 2000~  
  
Auron: Oh my gawd Seymour! You are so impossible! I am TRYING to vacuum! Can't your stupid margaritas wait!?  
  
Seymour: Whatever, old fool! I think you need to get yo old ay-ass outta Squaresville and enjoy a nice margarita wid me!  
  
Auron: Oh my god! You are SO IMPOSSIBLE! ~Auron then drops the vacuum cleaner and storms out, dashing into Wakka's room for comfort and support.~  
  
Yuna: It's okay, Auron! I know that the only reason why you do this is because of your subconscious and unknown-to-all tendency to clean because your father was an abusive alcoholic and your mom ate a lot of chips and left the crumbs on the floor!  
  
Wakka: Hey, wanna get in the hot-tub?  
  
~Coming next chapter: The shocking revelation in the hot-tub that will change the show's direction completely, Rikku's confession, Lulu and Kimahri's outing to a popular rave scene, and MORE!~ 


	2. OH my! I just, can't watch this anymore!

The Real World: Besaid - Chapter 2 By Kashiwa  
  
  
  
Hello yall! I am shocked as to how long it has taken me to successfully update this. It seems to just be in my blood to do this, as I am one of those people that can't stop complaining about how MTV used to be good! And boy, has it gotten bad! I mean, just look at Season 12!  
  
Anyway, on with the chapter already!  
  
  
  
~On the episode of the Real World: Besaid, we met the 6 well-washed teens and the other 2 not-so-well-washed teens. They were Tidus, Yuna, Wakka, Auron, and Seymour. The other three were not in the last episode because they were off getting their party on at some dumb nightclub full of drug addicts and perverts! Well, they have finally arrived, and we are seeing for the first time just what kind of people they are! The first to enter the mansion is Lulu, the token black girl (that's right, Lulu is black! She just appears to be white because she wears so much makeup!).  
  
Lulu: ~struts in like she's all that~ Man, that was so lame! I was all in da house getting' my freak on and then that jerk Kimahri had to come and be all 'we're having a threesome skank' and I was all 'oh no you dee-in't just say dat!' so then he was all 'yeah, well, whatevah biatch we's doin' it!' And I was like SO drunk that I said okay!  
  
Yuna: Oh, hi Lulu!  
  
Lulu: Shut up, you stupid white girl! What, you think that I'm all gonna be your friend just cause we have tons in common and live in da same house? Phshah!  
  
Yuna: ~Begins to cry~ Like, oh-my-gawd you guys! That is like, sooo not funny! 'Cause you know, I'm like, so sad which actually stems from my inner hurt towards my family because they drove their car over my stuffed teddy when I was 6! Oh-MY-GAWD!!!! ~Dashes off crying~  
  
Lulu: Stoopid white girls.  
  
~Next comes Rikku, the perfect Valedictorian from the South who is totally skanky but actually doesn't understand these strange immoral city people at all, which is totally convenient when she wants to look perfect~  
  
Rikku: (in perfect southern belle voice) Ah cannot believe that ah just did something' lahk that with two complete straynga's! Oh, it just gives me tha vapah's thinkin' about it!  
  
~Finally comes Kimahri, the ultra-stereotypical black guy who loves him da ladies! He also likes rap music about pimping and ho's and partays as well as well as basketball and any other black stereotypes I have forgotten to mention~  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri thinks you is a damn skank! Sheeit!  
  
Tidus: .  
  
Yuna: Oh my gawd!!!  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri think them was some damn nice skanks and sheeit!  
  
Rikku: Oh mah! Ah am not a skaynk that you can just walk all ovah!  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri say whatevah, you is a bitch.  
  
Lulu: Yeah, you is just some dumb white girl and whatever you are really dumb and you know Kimahri and I just connect better than you ever could because we both have the same color skin even though Kimahri is a little mo' blue than I am but whatever we can feel the pain of being part of the separatist black movement that isn't really necessary but oh well you IS a damn skank so whatevah!  
  
Yuna: OH MY GAWD!!!  
  
Wakka: I told you she had a short fuse!  
  
Yuna: Agh! Where did you come from!?  
  
Wakka: Oh, well I actually went on an important gay adventure of sorts where I had to kill a whale with my bare-  
  
~Suddenly, the image becomes distorted in that classic Real World fashion as the titles is displayed on some sort of brick wall. Time for a commercial!~  
  
~Kurt Loder appears on the screen, and boy, is he disinterested!~  
  
Kurt Loder: ~Sighs and smokes a cigarette~ Yeah, next is some important document on that Avril-you know, who cares? You are the most vapid generation of teens I have ever seen, and you don't care what I have to say. Roll the tape.  
  
~Some dumb commercial starts playing. In it, we can see Avril Lavigne picking her nose and doing things that are, like, totally punk~  
  
Gideon Yago's voice: Next, on the Ten Spot: Cribs! The coolest concept ever that, in execution, is actually really quite annoying as rappers and famous people are so stupid and shallow that most average Americans can't stand to see how rich they are! Anyways, in this next episode, we explore the home of America's lil'est wannabe, Avril Lavigne! Isn't she, like, SO punk?  
  
Avril: As you can see here, I have made a wall devoted to all things punk rock, like big letters that spell 'punk rock,' and Dickies boots and black and white stripes! Gawd, could I be even more punk!?  
  
Avril's gay sk8ter boi punk entourage: What if you hung a tie on it for no reason?  
  
Avril: ~spits~ Oh my gawd! That is SO PUNK! I mean, just look at ME for Christ's sake! I pick my nose and spit! That is, like, more punk than anything else! ~sighs~ I am SO hardcore.  
  
Avril's gay sk8ter boi punk entourage: Did you just spit on me?  
  
Gideon Yago's voice: All of this and more, at the Ten Spot. Afterwards, you can watch me totally flirt with that big rocker guy that I always argue with! ~sigh~  
  
Big rocker guy: Dude, I'm right here.  
  
Gideon Yago's voice: And now, back to the Real World!  
  
~The show opens with Seymour and Wakka. Seymour refuses to accept Wakka's choice of lifestyle, so they are arguing~  
  
Seymour: Now, dude, I ain't got no problems wit' 'dem lesbians, 'cause man, dat's HOT!  
  
Wakka: So what, you think it's okay for women to, but men can't because it doesn't cater to your own oversexed self?  
  
Seymour: Now, I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that it is nasty to me.  
  
Auron: Oh my GOD Wakka! Did you just drop a Cheeto on the floor!? I CAN'T believe you guys! I slave around this house all day, TRYING to clean the place, and you just go and drop freaking CHEETOS on the freaking floor! UGH! Waitwaitwaitwait, you know what? You know what? You know what? What if I just DON'T do anymore housework? Huh? How's that? You can just CLEAN up your OWN Cheetos!  
  
Wakka: .okay. ~Continues his discussion with Seymour~  
  
Seymour: .  
  
Auron:...........I CAN'T STAND IT! ~picks up Cheeto and wipes up the area a million times~ You guys are just, SO impossible to live with!  
  
Wakka:.whatever. ~And now, it's that time again, when all the characters get into a hot tub for NO REASON!~  
  
~The characters are now all naked in the hot tub~  
  
Tidus: Yeah, like, and then it was like ohmigod and then it was all yeah and than like yeah ohmigawd!  
  
Everybody: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
Kimahri: Yeah and sheeit.  
  
Rikku: Ohmigawd! I am lahk, naked in this hot tub with all these naked gahs and oh mah ah am just getting' tha vaypahs!  
  
Lulu: Yeah well whatever you is just some dumb southern belle and you could never understand the way I feel because I come from the inner city where I can barely afford the excessive eye makeup and lip liner that I must wear to express myself as a contributing member of society!  
  
Yuna: OhmiGAWD Tidus! We are like, naked, and like OHMIGAWD I can like see everything there is to see and like wow!  
  
Wakka: Dude, what is it with teenagers and hot tubs that they just.ugh!  
  
Auron: OH MY GOD you guys! This is like the dirtiest hot tub in the entire world! All of you need to like, ack!  
  
Seymour: Yes, well, you know and shit yeah fool!  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri think you need to stop acting black!  
  
Yuna: Oh-my-god you guys, this is making me so upset because I had a childhood trauma in a hot tub when I was-  
  
Lulu: Gwad grrl, just shut up!  
  
~And that concludes this episode! As it ends, we see a preview of the next episode!~  
  
Lulu: NO! NO! YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!  
  
Yuna: JUST SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID BITCHY EVERYTHING AND UGH! ~throws banana at her~  
  
The end.for now. 


End file.
